What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 01:29
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
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I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why is my crush beautiful to me but not to others?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Who then, do I blame.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were not on the streets..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
What was your best revenge story?
I have no regrets .
She was in good health!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She wouldn,t have been !
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I will be 64.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Where can I get sure fixed matches on Instagram?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
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One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Is anyone else losing complete respect for the US at this point?
As i do to all so called friends.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do some people tell the girl I like that I don’t like her when I do like her?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It was going to be , some day.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He resisted the act ,that day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why did i forgive my father ?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I don,t even have a pension.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But it wasn’t much.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was 9 years of age.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He knew the spot.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
All the time i was locked up.
So, i spoilt her more .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I write beautiful poetry .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She found it foreign!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i lived it daily.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was seconnd youngest,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But, we were locked up after school.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ive learnt so much.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My family never makes their pension either.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Comes on , in middle age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So whats the point in blame.
I waited trembling.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was very sick at this time too.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She loved him until the end.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was scared of men, in general
When she asked me how she looked .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She married twice! .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My life is so biszare .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
What did i know ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I could never make a relationship work though!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I think the readers, may guess!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One cannot live in the past .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We all went to grammer schools
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Put me off passion for life!!
Im still living with it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
This is soul school!.